MY STORY
‘No one even mentioned it. In 9 whole months, not one person said, “You’re about to meet someone entirely new.
And it’s not your baby. It’s going to be you!”’
— The Fourth Trimester
Hello Mama,
Firstly, just in case no-one has told you lately, “You’re doing an awesome job!”
I’m Angela, a qualified Life Coach, Postpartum Doula, Mama Rising™ Facilitator and Sacred Space Holder. I’m also a mother to three young children (and one very spoilt fur baby!). I live with my little family by the ocean on Sydney’s Northern Beaches.
When I became a mother for the first time I was cracked open in ways I did not expect, and was not prepared for. My entry into motherhood was not the fairytale I had envisioned. For so many reasons, it was the greatest challenge I have had to face and conquer in my life so far, but it has also been one which has brought so much growth and transformation.
With the gift of hindsight I can now see how incredibly naïve I was to how much my life was going to change once I became a Mother. I know now that each time I gave birth it was not only my babies who were born, but also a new version of ME! I was no longer the woman I was before I became a mother. I could never be her again - something which took me a long time to understand and accept.
I’m here to be the person I wish I had back then!
To tell you what I wish someone had told me: there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s not all in your head, you are going through something incredibly complex and profound, but also completely natural.
You will question who you are now you’re a mother. You may feel a deep sense of loss and grief for the person you once were - your career, social life, relationships with others and most importantly to yourself…
…Darling Mama this is Matrescence!
My Matrescence Journey
After the birth of my first son in 2012 I found myself spiralling into a dark place of post-natal depression and anxiety. It was at a time when mental health still carried a stigma and label. I was too embarrassed to admit that I was struggling. As an A-type overachiever personality I didn’t want to be seen as failing at something everyone else around me seemed so capable of.
I found the transition into new motherhood incredibly challenging. Living interstate from my family and support network I felt lonely, overwhelmed and exhausted. I felt like I was the only mother not enjoying “every moment” (as everyone tells you to), resentful for how much my life had changed and angry that no-one had prepared me for how hard motherhood was going to be.
I was riddled with mum guilt, ‘comparisonitis’ and self-judgement. I held myself to the ridiculously high standards of the ‘Perfect Mother Myth’ and didn’t know how to trust my own mother instincts. I lost all sense of myself and who I was now I was “just a mum”.
It was a long journey back to find myself from this dark place. Sometimes I wondered if I would ever find my way through the fog. I look back on that mother and wish I could tell her all the things I know now. To hold her, comfort her and nurture her. To tell her there is nothing wrong with her, it’s not all in her head, she is going through something incredibly complex and challenging. To show her kindness and compassion, and what it means to feel worthiness, acceptance and support. That this will be her own alchemic awakening.
WHAT I KNOW NOW:
We’re not meant to do motherhood alone
We can feel more than one emotion at the same time - grief for the life we’ve shed and love for the one we’re growing into
We don’t have to have to be perfect to be a good mother!
5 Things About Me:
I’m a true Scorpio: a fierce secret holder; protective and loyal; independent and intuitive
I’m an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and Empath - meaning I feel things deeply and can often pick up on subtleties and details that many others may miss.
I will always be a country girl at heart, born and raised on a cattle property in Central West NSW
I’m a huge Podcast fan and start most sentences with, “I was listening to this podcast…”
I drink way too much chai tea!
I’d love to get to know you more. Drop me a note and say Hello
