ABOUT MATRESCENCE
“Matrescence... the time of mother-becoming.”
— Dana Raphael
Becoming a mother marks the beginning of one of the most significant transformations in a woman’s life. A radical identity shift on so many levels: physical, hormonal, emotional, spiritual, cultural, social and economic.
Mama you’re not imagining it. It’s not all in your head! What you’re going through is real, complex and completely natural. Motherhood is hard, all consuming, exhausting, isolating and lonely - that’s why it’s so overwhelming.
But it is also possible to thrive in motherhood. When we understand what it is we’re experiencing we are better able to accept and embrace it for the incredible opportunity for growth and transformation it can bring.
What is matrescence?
“The process of becoming a mother, coined by Dana Raphael, Ph.D. (1973), is a developmental passage where a woman transitions through pre-conception, pregnancy and birth, surrogacy or adoption, to the postnatal period and beyond. The exact length of matrescence is individual, recurs with each child, and may arguably last a lifetime! The scope of the changes encompass multiple domains --bio-psycho-social-political-spiritual-- and can be likened to the developmental push of adolescence. Increased attention to mothers has spurred new findings, from neuroscience to economics, and supports the rationale for a new field of study known as Matrescence. Such an arena would allow the roundtable of specialists to come together and advance our understanding of this life passage.”
— Aurélie Athan, Ph.D.
Sadly, it is a term not known or used nearly enough in our society. It is not spoken of at pre-natal appointments or mother’s groups. Once a baby is born the majority of the focus shifts from the mother to the baby. She has heard all the stories about the pain of labour, breastfeeding and exhaustion, but no-one has told her about the personal identity transformation she is about to experience. No-one else talks about the feelings or thoughts she is having, therefore she is led to think she is the only one having them and there must be something wrong with her! She sinks into the shadows of motherhood…
She tries to silence her thoughts and feelings that don’t fit the “perfect mother” image society has promoted to her. She must love every minute. She must feel grateful all the time and never complain about how hard being a mother is. She must always want to give her whole self to her baby/children/family, and she should never desire anything outside of her role as mother. Not to mention the pressure to “bounce back”. This perception that apart from having given birth, nothing else has changed about her.
She feels like she should still be the version of herself she was before she became a mother. She should still be the same wife, friend, daughter, employee etc. Little regard is given to the massive rebirth she has just been through so it’s no wonder she feels lost, confused and completely bewildered.
BUT there is a shift happening. We’ve begun to realise our modern way of mothering isn’t working. We were never meant to do this on our own. We weren’t meant to learn ‘on the job’. We were supposed to be surrounded by elders, family, friends - a village, where we had rituals and storytelling, and seasons of life were celebrated.
Sadly, the mothers of our modern day culture are more lonely than ever, despite being the most connected in history. We need to start honouring this time as the incredible rite-of-passage it is. We need to acknowledge the metamorphosis occurring in womens lives as they become mothers and better support them through this beautiful and sacred season of their life.
Through my own experience of motherhood and my ongoing studies I’ve become incredibly passionate about all things Matrescence and believe it should be a term just as common as adolescence.